Those of you who attend the funeral tomorrow will hear some of this. For those of you who are not able to attend, here is what I wrote about two years ago, when we began to really lose my mother-in-law.
When I think of the past 39 years, and my relationship with my mother-in-law, many things come to mind. There are a million and one mother-in-law jokes, and not one of them applies to her.
From the beginning, I was welcomed into the family. Even when I thought I wanted to go away near the beginning of our relationship, my mother-in-law supported me, even though she knew it was hard for both her son and for me. I should have known then what was in store- a lifetime of unconditional support for whatever I, or whatever her son and I, decided to do.
You see, to her, there is nothing so perfect as her children and grandchildren. So, by extension, I was practically perfect too. At least I never heard or even sensed any criticism. She could not conceive of any of us doing anything wrong. She believed in all of us, to a fault. I remember one April Fool's day when we got our three year old son to call her and say, in his little boy voice, "Grandma, Mommy and Daddy went out last night, and left us with a babysitter, and then the babysitter had to go home, and mommy and daddy aren't here....April Fool!". I don't think she ever quite forgave us for that one, but we were looked upon as rascals, not as bad people.
If she ever did begin to suggest something - usually to give the grandchildren something they wanted and we didn't want them to have, we could hear Grandpa say in the background, "Mother, they are not your children!". That put an end to any suggestions.
She could sew anything from nothing. She made wedding dresses, little boys' coats, dresses for her granddaughters. She spent hours on them, and was never so delighted as when in a fabric store in the States, because there she could find just the right fabric. I didn't know her when she was making her sons' clothing from her husband's old uniforms, but I saw the pictures, and know she did it. They looked smart. And she always looked smart - well put together, not always with something new, but certainly with something that suited her. We were all so delighted when Grandma and Grandpa began to go on trips to Texas for the bulk of the winter. It was not her first choice to miss Christmas, but she did enjoy the shopping in Mexico and the walks with friends. Not the exercises in the pool though - those were reserved for the apartment pool at home.
We have so many good memories, memories of going to their apartment to swim in the pool and dry off in the sauna, ribs with sauce and ribs without sauce, her delighted face when we arrived in Texas for one Christmas, her unfailing good manners - even in her last few months she was still thanking us for coming to visit. Sometimes I wasn't sure that she knew exactly who I was, but she knew I belonged somehow, and she never forgot to thank me for coming.
I learned a lot from her, mostly about how to be a good person. I am not the ever forgiving, not a bad word about anyone person that she was, but I can think of her, and try to live up to her model.
I will miss her more than I can express.
No comments:
Post a Comment