I think sometimes dads get a bad rap when it comes to parenting. It is true, by and large moms do most of the "tasks" associated with parenting. Those moms who are trying to be known for more than their clean houses or their great dinners probably struggle with that, and spend their days trying to be supermom, the one who works full time outside the home AND has a clean house and makes great dinners. And it is true, someone has to do the organizing, and that is often the mom. Dads are more often stereotyped as being the bread-winners (yes , even today I am afraid) and are less likely to be thought of as competent when it comes to the child care. It drives me crazy when I hear that a dad is "babysitting" his own children. The implication there is that he is doing something extraordinary. In our lives, the dads I know are very competent, and while they may not do the child care exactly the way the women would do it, it is done and the kids are fine.
So here is what I think about the dads in my life.
First, the dads who are no longer with us. Yes, for them, caring for the children was difficult and not the ordinary thing they did. They worked outside the home, they mowed the lawn, they fixed mechanical things, they drove almost always on trips (and usually in the city too), they gave advice occasionally, but only about work related things (not emotions), they were there, but were not the ones we went to first with a problem - that was mom. But here is what else they did. They showed by example how to live. They deferred to mom as the one who really did have all the answers about life, if not about the VCR or the computer. They made sure we had what we needed. They cheered us on no matter what we chose to do, but did most of that cheering quietly, on the sidelines. They loved us unconditionally, but had trouble telling us that. They helped mold us into the humans that we are, with all our failings and positive attributes, because they too had failings and positive attributes. Now, they live on in our memories, because we do remember them countless times, whether it is when we hear an older gentleman whistling a tune, or see a baseball cap, or see the waves come in by the dock, or have a near miss with a car and hear the words "As long as you are ok, a car can be fixed". They are gone but not forgotten, and we miss them every day.
And now, about the "dad" with whom I live. I am lucky to be married to a man I consider to be the greatest dad around. He would be the first to tell you (and has said this many times), that I did all the parenting because he was never at home, but that is not true. Yes, early in our lives, I did do all the stuff associated with parenting, and he was out coaching a lot, but that doesn't mean he didn't parent. He took us all on countless summer holidays, and did ALL the entertaining in the car while I read my book in the back seat. He jumped in countless KOA pools with three kids hanging all over him. He made sure we never had to worry about clothes, or food, or lessons, or just being happy. Because he was, and is, happy. I am moody, up and down, needing my "space" more often than not. He is never happier than when he is surrounded by kids and grandkids or friends, and is the first to help out anyone at any time. I don't worry about the future because I know how he cared for his parents, and I know that he will care for me the same way. He loves openly, completely, and unconditionally, and for that I am eternally grateful.
And as to the three dads who are part of our immediate family, all I can say is BRAVO! In each of these three fine men I see a new generation of dads, superdads. These dads do it all. They provide for their families, they get their kids to events, they coach and/or cheer, they volunteer at school, they built forts and teach bike-riding, they fish with their kids, they build fires and firepits, they look after pets, they keep cars running, and on and on. Not one of these men "babysits" their kids. They share the child rearing, and do it with joy and love that they are not afraid to express. I am so proud to have them as my son and sons-in-law, and believe that they represent the future of parenting, because they are taking what has been done in the past and improving upon it. I know that my grandchildren are blessed to have these men in their lives and that they will be safe through both the joys and sorrows of growing up.
So on the eve of Father's Day, I remember the dads we had and cheer on the dads with us now. We have so much to celebrate and for which to be thankful! Happy Father's Day to one and all.
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